Post-LSAT life has been bittersweet and very unmotivated, to say the least. On the up side, I can now drink beer on weeknights without feeling guilty that I should be taking a PT instead. On the down side, the more I think about the test, the more I’m certain of the questions that I missed. This makes me sad on so many obvious levels. First, that was supposed to be the last time I took it. The. Last. Time. Second, it’s so late in the cycle that without an amazing score, or close to amazing, I’m pretty much out of the running for any T14 schools. Third and worst of all, there is a real likelihood that I need to wait until next year to 1) take the LSAT again, since I can’t take it again until June/Sept 2010, and 2) apply to schools, of course.
All of this means that I’ll need to find something to do for yet another year during my “in-between” time. AmeriCorps was supposed to be a one-year deal, and I intend to keep it that way. First of all, while I like teaching and learning about the education system, it’s not for me. I think it’s a great cause to teach under privileged kids, but if I’m going to do anything with education, I’d want to be on the policy front where I can make changes happen on a wider scale. Second of all, I can’t imagine having to live at home for another year. And I can imagine my mother wouldn’t be too happy about it either. While for the most part, living at home is not so bad, but sometimes we really get on each other’s nerves. And the more I learn about my mother as I get older, the more I realize how different we are. She is passive aggressive, I’m not. She nags and makes me feel bad about stupid little things around the house. and worst of all, she lets my brother get away with so much more. It’s really ridiculous, considering I’m the more accomplished of the two siblings. Mwahaha. Okay, but in all seriousness, it is a real problem. I’ve realized more and more that our family merely consists of people who happen to be related, but really we have nothing in common. It’s sad, but it’s true for a lot of families, so I’m not devastated. Just disappointed. The final thing that disappoints me the most is that I didn’t follow through on my two-year plan like I’d intended to, and for some reason along the way, I dropped the ball. Now here I am in December 2009, not sure what the hell or where the hell I’ll be in 2010. And I really have no one to blame but myself. Cheers to that…
Every day I feel like I’m just living by the day. It didn’t used to always be this way. I used to have a such clear-cut plan on what I wanted to do and how I was going to get it done. Now I constantly feel like I’m playing catch up, whether it’s studying for the LSAT or preparing teaching materials for my students. Everything in my life just feels like scattered pieces of something else. It’s really unnerving. I just want to fast forward to the day I can get my score and really figure out what.the.fuck. I’m supposed to do now.