It’s 2009. Do you know where your life is?
I realized last night that it’s been a year since I graduated from college. Almost, maybe another week or so. But a year ago today, if someone had told me that my life would be this, I would’ve scoffed at the idea. If someone had told me that I would work at a meaningless and intellectually degrading job, I would have scoffed. If someone had told me that I would feel lonelier than I’ve ever felt my entire life, I would have scoffed. If someone had told me that there was nothing that would help me get up in the morning, I would have scoffed. Basically, my life is nothing that I thought it would be a year after graduating from college. And it sucks. And it hurts. Every morning I wake up, and I have nothing to look forward to for the day.
I feel as if I’m stuck between something that had been great and something that could be great. I am considering postponing the LSAT, yet again. I have improved substantially since the last time I took it, but I still don’t feel confident enough to hit my target score, which is 170+. I can’t help but feel like I’m trying to reach for the moon, but the furthest I can reach is the ozone layer. That’s pretty much how I have felt for most of my life, and I hate this feeling. I hate that nothing ever comes easily to me. I have to spend the summer prepping for this test, instead of being able to enjoy the sun and the outdoor drinks without feeling guilty that I’m not studying. I had planned on working on my personal statement over the summer, but now I have to do that and study for the LSAT. Nothing is unfolding the way I thought it would, and it really sucks.
Everyday I feel like a part of me really just wants to break down and cry, but with the hustle and bustle of going in and out everyday, it’s like I don’t have the time. And on weekends or at night, when I’m alone, those are the times I really feel like there are tears at the edge of my eyes. There’s not a single day that passes when I have felt anything remotely close to the optimism and ambition that I felt almost everyday during my time in college. I have lost a part of myself since I graduated from college. Nothing is at all what I had imagined it to be. How did this happen?
Tags: lsat
