I miss home. A lot. I am very disillusioned by the experience I’ve had here in France, but I’m glad I came anyway so that I could know how much I really don’t like this place. I don’t like the program, the French people, the way things work here, etc.. I miss being in America, being able to speak English, being able to eat whenever I want and whatever I want, being able to just come home and sit in my room without being disturbed, etc. etc. I miss my routines. I miss my friends. I miss my family. I miss New York. I miss my college. I miss Spencer. I miss having the freedom that I used to have. I have the biggest craving for cheeseburgers and potstickers. I wanna lay on my couch at home and watch NBC News at 5:30 every evening. I wanna go downstairs to Ollie’s and order a house fried rice in Chinese. I wanna go to Awash and eat Ethiopian food. I wanna eat every type of food that I have a craving for and know that they’re at arm’s length whenever I want it. The classes here are so boring. I feel like every time I go, I’m just humoring the teacher and myself. The program is a bomb. My French is not improving to the level that I’d hoped it would reach. That’s the least of my worries though because I’m not that concerned about it. I really just miss being in a familiar surrounding with my friends and the people I care about. I miss America. I miss being an American and being comfortable in my own skin. I miss speaking Chinese. I wanna go back to the States and get my life on the road again. All of this relaxing and doing nothing has become mind-numbingly boring. I am sick of doing almost nothing everyday. I am sick of the racist and near-racist remarks from the French. I am sick of being the only Asian in a 20-mile radius. I am sick of being spoken to by the teachers like a child. I’m almost 21 for fuck’s sake. I am sick of getting drunk all the time. I am sick of having to watch my back when I’m speaking in english because I don’t give a fuck enough to speak French. I am sick of all of this. I wanna go home.
