Archive for May, 2006
Protected: beautiful dawn.
May 18, 2006Protected: Mon cher, c’est dans vos yeux.
May 17, 2006Da Vinci vs. The Church
May 11, 2006I have become of one of the mindless masses. Yes, I, too, like Dan Brown’s The Da Vinci Code. Since I have come to college, I have rarely had any time to spend on pleasure reading. Correction, I have had no time actually. So it has been a really long time since I’ve actually been able to enjoy a book for pleasure. It’s been an even longer time since I’ve read a book that I cannot put down. Although this novel has become a cultural phenomenon and not to mention, a film on which it is based is coming out next week, the story and the factoids actually have a lot of substance behind them. Obviously Brown has done extensive research to write this book, and for that I think he deserves the millions he is receiving from this book and the worldwide fanaticism.
Moreover, I’d like to add that all these attacks from the Vatican and the various Catholic organizations just shows how ridiculous organized religion is in general. All I can say is, if you have nothing to hide and nothing to be ashamed of, then you would never consider this novel a threat to your organization. You would simply trust the public to believe in you if you have nothing to worry about. The truth naturally sees the light. The fact that you are making such a fuss about a novel and a film goes to show how insecure you are about the “power” that you hold over the world. Ergo, it makes your organization seem even shadier had you not stood up to protest in the first place. Good going.
I also would like to add that sometimes it is really good to jump in on the “flavor of the week” of society. It is a good way to track the direction in which society is heading and the current interests of people today. I have learned that you must join the crowd in order to fully understand and analyze society. Thus, I will stop trying to avoid these types of “crazes” and carefully observe and analyze them to understand cultural and social trends.
Growing up together.
May 8, 2006
Recently I saw a picture of Prince William, the future King of England, and realized that he was balding. He is four years older than I am, and he is balding. It’s certainly bizarre that a man who is yet to be 25 is balding, but it nonetheless makes me realize that we are getting older. No, I did not say that we are getting old, but that we are simply growing older. I used to have an intense teeny-bopper crush on him when I was 10 years old. When his mother died, I felt an incredible attachment to him; I felt like we both went through traumatic childhoods in which our parents bit and fought each other like gutter rats. Of course, his was more traumatic as he had to endure it in the public spotlight 24/7. I have since grown out of my obsession and pining after him, but now and again I like to keep track of his whereabouts and what he’s been doing with his life, however limited it may be. Mostly for nostalgic reasons but a little also to see if he will continue his mother’s legacy and modernize the British monarchy. I like to think that we grew up together, but that is obviously not the case. Nonetheless I feel an attachment with him that makes me feel like we did. I’m sure I will still be reading up on him when we’re both forty and married.
That which really intrigues me about him though is the fact that in this day and age, when everyone of all backgrounds is encouraged to do whatever they’d like and for the most part can do whatever they’d like, he is unfortunately completely restricted to what he can do and when he can do them. I don’t believe the world has been more liberal than it has been in the last twenty years. Women in the work force are as common as bread on butter. Moreover, they are not constantly being pressured to marry before the age of 30 and to become nice little housewives for their husbands; they can make a career for themselves. Men who stay home to look after the children instead of working is becoming more and more accepted. Interracial couples no longer get a second glance. Family is not number one priority anymore on everyone’s agenda, and living a “full life” can easily do without one for many. Pop culture has increasingly influenced our lifestyles and our perceptions of how we should live our lives. Thus, it seems completely bizarre to think that someone out there is not allowed to be anything but a useless figurehead for a mass of people and do charities all day and all night. That he is expected to smile for the cameras, to marry a “proper” lady at a “proper” age, to become the symbol of what it is to be British is completely contradictory the many freedoms of expression and choices that we have access to today. In a way, I feel sorry for the guy. If he had a passion for, say, journalism, he could never pursue this passion no matter what. His entire life is lived under constant public scrutiny. Will he continue Diana’s legacy? Who will he marry? When will he marry? Will he be a good king? How long was he out getting drunk at that London nightclub last week? Is he playing a polo match for charity this weekend? These questions are meaningless and yet they dog him day in and day out.
He is basically living his life in waiting until he becomes King. Everything he does up until then is just to kill time, like going to college to get a degree in geography (?!) and joining the military. I mean, how awful is that? Nothing he does is because he wants to do it and because it will get him to where he wants to be in life one day. Everything he does has to be approved by the palace and his grandmother. And even when he becomes king, he will still be doing things that have nothing to do with his true desires in life. He is basically life in a plastic bottle for England and her people. He lives within the constraints of traditional authority and there is really no way out for him. And yeah, blah blah, we can say that he is rich enough, and he has all this free time on his hands, so why does it matter? I think it matters quite a bit whether or not what you’re doing with your life is really what you want to be doing with your time. But of course, he has no say in these matters whatsoever, but that is precisely what makes his story a sad one. He is a man destined to live a sad life, whether or not he really realizes it. But I’m sure he realized this and he resigned to his fate long ago.
the same imaginary place.
May 5, 2006Last night I had a revealing conversation with my best friend. I love conversations that go into the depths of the night. I’ve always been blessed with friends who love to talk and listen just as much as I do. Anyway, I learned last week that my brother had been depressed since he was in elementary school. As soon as I heard this I started to put a million broken pieces of memories together and a lot of things made a lot of sense — really fast. I just remember him always being sad or angry or distant, and I could never figure out why. I guess I always just figured it was part of his personality and the sort of circumstances in which he was put when we were younger. But now everything just makes sense. So we got to start talking about all the times I remembered when I sensed something was wrong when I was younger but nobody in my family, my mother in particular, never took initiative to solve the problems. And a lot of things just made sense. I realized that so many of the injustices I had faced when I was younger weren’t the result of my own obstinancy or imagination, but that they really did exist and were indeed injustices. For example, I got punished for a lot of things that my brother was never punished for or for things which my mother would just turn a blind eye to. And I realized that I could’ve ended up being really fucked up and it’s a miracle that I turned out the way I did.
It scares me — how much your family environment can affect your later personality and emotional stability. It makes me realize how careful I need to be when I have my own family and kids. I know that a lot of my emotional shortcomings are a direct result of my family situation, and for that it makes me sad. Up until recently I had never really thought about how my family had influenced the person I’ve become, but now I look back and realize just how big of an effect they had on me. A negative effect. It brings tears to my eyes.
I’m not sure why my mother chose to ignore or overlook the many shortcomings that my brother had and the obvious cries for help that he made while we were growing up. I’m assuming that she was afraid of confrontation and was just hoping that he would “grow out of it.” That obviously was not the case and she in fact worsened the situation for both him and myself. And in a way I suppose I can’t blame her for a situation that she had little control over, like the effects of our father. But I think she definitely could have done something for my brother. I think the reason my brother and I aren’t that close is precisely because of this problem. We have never been close enough to talk about anything personal. And when I see my friends who are so super close with their siblings, I get really sad. Not jealous really, but just sad that I have a sibling but we have no connection close to that. And as we grow older and live in different cities, the situation doesn’t seem like it’s going to improve, and for that I am really sad.
Families are so peculiar. Right now I feel like my only family is composed of my friends, but they have their own families, so I feel like we’re not really family. I don’t think I’ll ever experience a family until I make my own. And until then, I will just float around admiring other families and take note of their positive traits. And when I have my own, I will make every effort not to make the same mistakes and cast the same plagues that my own family cast on me. I really hope that my children will not endure the same circumstances as I did growing up.
